How to Keep Your Cool in Difficult Conversations
My birthday was last week and I had a wonderful celebration. My husband, Mike, and I were in Cincinnati for the week for his business, and he cooked a delicious surf and turf dinner for the two of us with lobster and filet mignon. It was a romantic evening, despite the rainy weather there all week. Every birthday is an occasion to celebrate because each year is such a gift, isn’t it?
In last week’s blog post, I shared with you 5 Ways to Know How the People You Work With Really Feel About You.
Whether you suspect a colleague doesn’t respect you, you need to tell a client you can’t work on a particular project, or you want to ask your boss for a raise, you know you need to have a difficult conversation.
There are lots of reasons to dread these conversations — it can feel awkward or confrontational, you might be afraid you’ll lose your composure, or you could fret that you’ll end up in a worse position than the one you started in.
However, it is possible to say what needs to be said and actually get all or some of what you wanted out of it.
Follow these 3 steps for more calm, constructive conversations when conflict arises.
1. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
Even if you suspect the worst, go into the conversation assuming the best about the other person. It’s like the old expression, “Assume the good and doubt the bad.”
Most people do act out of positive intentions, but they might not have thought through how their actions will affect you, or they see things from a different perspective.
Sometimes, what leads to conflict is that priorities aren’t in line. I’ve had countless entrepreneurs come to Celeste Giordano Coaching over the years who feel burned out. They’ve given their all to a difficult client, but the client is unsatisfied. They just want more and more. Their priorities are very different from that of the entrepreneur.
In this case, I advise them that it’s important to step back and look at things from their client’s perspective. If they’re able to keep taking advantage, why wouldn’t they? It’s not that they have bad intentions. They’re just getting what they want.
Now that you’ve seen their perspective, you can have a better idea of what to talk to them about.
2. Have a goal in mind before you talk. 
You know I am a big fan of goal setting because clear goals from the outset make it so much more likely that you’ll succeed. Difficult conversations are no different.
By setting a constructive tone for the conversation, what you have to say won’t seem like pointless, harsh criticism. While you might need to point out one or two things that the other person could work on, you’ll make sure it’s relevant to your larger goal.
It’s important that you pick your battles, and goal setting will provide a framework for whether or not this is a relevant criticism to raise.
If we go back to the example from before with the client who keeps taking advantage, your goal from the outset would be to establish clear boundaries with the client about what you will and will not accept.
3. Talk face to face.
So now you have your goal and you’re giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. It’s time to ask them to chat. Arrange a time to talk in person if at all possible, and over the phone or Skype if you are in different locations.
Resist the urge to email or text because signals get misread. This is too important a conversation to leave to only the written word.
Once you’re sitting down, be specific. If you’re asking for something, spell it out clearly so your boss, client, or colleague does not have to read between the lines. If you need to confront someone about a problem, bring up a specific example of what needs to change.
Let’s go back to our example of the overly needy client. Instead of saying, “You never care about my time off work and you’re always asking me to do the impossible,” try something along the lines of, “Asking me to finish that major project when you knew I was on vacation with my family crossed a boundary. I can’t accommodate requests like that in the future.”
The point is not to dwell on the negative, but to make things more positive going forward.
Really make a point to listen to what the other person has to say. That can make the difference that actually leads to the change you’re seeking.
Tired of having these conversations?
Do you find that you’re often put in situations where you need to have “awkward” conversations? It might be the case that you’re not setting clear boundaries in your professional relationships.
I give my Celeste Giordano coaching clients strategies to set boundaries from the get-go, so you can avoid challenging situations with clients or colleagues. If you’re ready to discover strategies to make it easier to run a successful Legacy Business, all while you “Double Plus” your income, contact me today.
I’m thrilled to share with you our latest edition of The Blueprint Magazine. This month’s theme is “Unlocking Your Full Potential!”
A few articles in this month’s issue dive further into this topic:
- “New Year’s Resolutions: Make Them Simple and Easy to Accomplish” by Becca Tebon on page 7
- “Why Small Businesses Outsource IT Support and Services” by Jason Rush on page 8
- “Why 4D Communication is the Better Way of Selling” by Brigitta Hoeferle on page 15″
- Small Simple Changes Make All the Difference” by Joan Williams on page 19″
- Moving from Comfort with Courage” by Pauline Duncan-Thrasher on page 20
Celeste Giordano’s mission is to help business owners develop the skills, knowledge and attitude necessary to “double-plus” their income and become effective and inspirational leaders in their fields. Whether it’s taking your successful business to the next level or starting a new venture, she will teach you the exact skills and strategies you need to enroll more quality prospects, build a rock-solid team, and break through obstacles to achieve real profit and lasting success. Celeste is a professional business growth specialist, a master sales strategist, and dynamic speaker with 40 years experience in direct sales and managing high-performing teams.
To learn more about Celeste, click here.
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